Motherhood with Adult Children: Reflections on Motherhood and Wellness
Pia Fitzgerald: The Wellness Tactician
Stress Management : The Jill Be Nimble Series™
Wellness Red Flag
OOoweee! If you have not watched Little Fires Everywhere starring Reese Witherspoon and Kerry Washington and are looking for a new series to explore, CHECK IT OUT! It is a well-told story filled with irony and rich metaphors that help shape the narrative and provide multiple avenues for discussion. The show brilliantly showcases multiple layers of motherhood while honoring multiple truths for many women. These multiple layers and truths have served as the root of stress and weight gain for many women whether they are biological mothers or not.
Motherhood is typically presented in a one-dimensional light with an unspoken requirement to RESCUE and FIX things when it comes to children. The unspoken rule to ALWAYS wear the RED CAPE while carrying a heavy toolbox often leads to compassion fatigue or even depression. Many mothers feel oppressed by societal standards, stressed by perceived obligations, and overwhelmed by the overall pressures of others. These societal and perceived expectations, blurred by real, daily living, can be hallmarks of stress. I mean has anyone ever considered that just because you have the parts does not mean you automatically have the heart for the job. Imagine how many pants would be blessed if the imposition of the IDEAL MOTHER would cease , especially since no one knows what its like to walk in the shoes of another or wear their undergarments, for that matter (mothering in a smock concealing a tight girdle is different than mothering in a smock, relishing the sweet secret of going au naturel)😊.
Up Close and Personal
Recently, I found myself watching various shows (Little Fires Everywhere, The Handsmaids Tale, etc) with a motherhood motif and realized Mother’s Day was around the corner (even though I am not a big fan of celebrating commercial holidays as I prefer organic and frequent celebrations, not assigned dates), At any rate, the idea of motherhood inspired me to explore my relationship with my ADULT children, and wondering what kind of impact I had on them, particularly in wellness. Did I wear the RED CAPE? Did I lug a mothering toolbox around; and, if so, did it help them?
I asked my adultren ( my new word) if they would mind recording their responses to the following questions (and gave them the freedom to say NO):
Share one thing your mom has done during your ADULT life you didn’t like initially but grew to value and appreciate.
Share one thing you have learned about mental, emotional and physical health as an adult from your mom.
Here is HOW they responded.
One day I will share with you my journey as a mother and wife raising children because who I am and what I have learned about total wellness was impacted by this awesome responsibility. For now, I want to offer you a perspective on wellness, particularly stress management, when it comes to mothering your adult children.
Motherhood with adult children is MORE CHALLENGING, especially if you believe in respecting where your ADULT children are in their journey and maintaining healthy boundaries. There is often a tug-o-war between the mother-to- the rescue mindset VERSUS allowing the ADULTREN to figure it out. It is tough but necessary to accept that as a mom it is critical you no longer try to fix things because there is a strong chance you will do more harm than good.
Freedom Key
I mean really, when we FIX things for our children, adult or young, who are we REALLY doing it for? Is it for them or ourselves? The sooner we can own the truth about why we do what we do, especially when it boils down to rescuing, the sooner we can allow the growth process to have its way and help our children flourish. Believe it or not, this IS a stress management tool. Getting out of the way with our red capes and toolboxes enables the growth process to have its way with our children AND helps us make better decisions for our overall wellness. Imagine being at peace with exercising for 30 minutes even if it conflicts with something your child “needed “ you to do. Usually, this opens the door to you finding a new solution, or, even better, your child finding an alternative solution. 😊
Because it is tough to allow adultren to figure it out, we must vigilantly nurture and guard our headspace and do whatever it takes to maintain internal peace. Rest, saying NO to others and saying YES to self, eating nutritious foods, exercising, REST, laughing, playing, REST, I.E. SELF-CARE will go a long way to helping you maintain the healthy headspace necessary to parent adultren and children in a way where everyone wins. One of the most loving things you can do for yourself AND for your adultren is allow them the space to figure it out. It sends the message you believe in them and that they are winners not losers. 😊It will bless your pants and theirs! 😊
WOWW!Factor Activated!
Lose weight while losing weight.
We welcome fruitful insight. Leave a comment below!